Katie's Vocation Story

My discernment process was filled with ups and down and unexpected turns, and at the end of my senior year of college I felt that I had come face to face with a great paradox: that it is when we are no longer looking, when we no longer hold the plan, that we find what we were looking for to begin with. Though religious life has been on my heart for as long as I can remember, no order ever seemed fully to fit, and so by the end of my junior year of college I had stopped looking, telling God that I was open to whatever He desired for me -- that though religious life was in my heart, I also desired marriage and a family.

I began dating a wonderful man, though in the midst of our relationship I always felt a tugging at my heart for something more, something that I knew no person could satisfy. A week after we stopped dating I went to World Youth Day in Sydney where again another lifelong desire in my heart was laid before me and I was offered an opportunity to do long term mission work in South America following graduation the next year. This desire percolating in my heart, I began my senior year by spending a semester in Gaming, Austria with Franciscan University's study abroad program. It was in Austria that the roots of this vocation were laid and that I grew to understand myself and my own heart to a deeper level than ever before. At sunrise the morning after my 22nd birthday, I knelt on the ground beneath the large cross at the top of Mt. Krizevic in Medjugorje and felt an awareness of God's love that I have never felt before, and I remember telling God, "I want to stay here forever." Months later when I discovered that the TOR's charism is based around standing at the foot of the cross with Our Lady and interceding for souls it really struck home to me -- and again when I discovered their deep devotion to Medjugorje.

 
            At the end of the semester, I flew from Vienna to New York City for the first of a series of interviews for my intended mission work, yet despite the peace I had felt in regards to this all semester, it didn't take me long to realize that I didn’t feel peaceful there and that it clearly wasn’t a fit. Despite the confusion of all of this, I felt a deep peace in my heart, a certainty that God would lead me to whatever it was that was right for me. The beginning of the spring semester found me on a weekend retreat with the TOR's ... where upon arrival I instantly and unexpectedly felt right at home. Though that caught me by surprise because I had never previously considered this community that I had been aware of since my transfer to Franciscan University in 2007, God began to soften my heart and quietly to reveal to me my desires. I finally asked, "Lord, is this what you want?" and immediately, deep in the stillness of my heart, I heard Him answer, "Katie, is this what you want?" As I pondered this question a new understanding came to me -- that this was truly my decision, my choice, and whatever I chose -- whether it be marriage, mission work in another capacity, or to say, "Yes, this here, this is my desire" -- that He would bless it. But there too, deep in my heart, I knew that this was the answer to my desires, all that I had been looking for, and how I would be the most fulfilled. God’s love and mercy abounds – and it was with great joy and excitement that I entered as a candidate with the TOR Sisters on August 8!